Kelly's Coast-to-Coast fails to impress

Live! With Kelly officially named it’s winner in the Coast-to-Coast Co-Host Contest: Michael Buckley, 37, married gay male and pop-culture YouTube blogger.

Buckley edged the contest over Will Tant, a model and professional surfer of approximately the same age and of ambiguous sexual orientation.

Both finalists were East-Coasters, in a top five that included one black female, a Brit, and a punky SoCal long-hair. 

In the end, viewers whittled it down to the most attractive male (Tant) versus the most flamboyant (Buckley). Both suffered from a perceived lack of character depth, and fell flat when paired next to Kelly’s regular guest co-hosts during the week-long contest.

Particularly telling was when the contestants were asked to interview Jerry O’Connell, with Josh Groban in the background as Kelly’s actual co-host that day. A distinct hint of desperation filled the air, with O’Connell and Groban emerging unscathed.

Within the finalist options, Buckley certainly came across as the most “high-energy,” and perhaps the most likable and capable of holding down the Co-host position. However, his self-indulgence would likely wear on viewers, and he appears to have little to offer in life-experience or charisma beyond his openly gay lifestyle and pop blogging.

Celebrity psychic, Sylvia Browne, told Kelly in a recent appearance that she had not yet met her long-term co-host. This may be further discouraging to producers, who may feel pressured into selecting one of their current candidates after the Coast-to-Coast contest flopped, failing to produce the ideal new host.

Live! is said to be booked for the remainder of the Fall, and producers will likely continue to gauge ratings and other factors to pick the new official host next year. 

d.anderson 2012

Kelly Ripa seeks co-host

It’s been over half a year since Regis Philbin, 80, retired, and Live! with Kelly has continues to pair Kelly Ripa, 41, with a various assortment of male celebrity fill-ins. Ratings have actually spiked, but no suitor has materialized as a permanent co-host.

Replacing Regis isn't easy, as he came from an old-world that only Don Rickles, 86, vaguely remembers. Regis was an impatient grouch who built the show around jaded banter with Kathy Lee Gifford, 58, mellowing slightly when paired with the younger, shinier Ripa in 2001.

Now, producers need to reinvent the show, and are veering towards (surprise!) an attractive 40-ish married or gay male, ideally someone with kids who watches The Bachelor and intensely follows mainstream popular culture. Live!'s  format  also requires an intense "host talk" of up to 20 minutes each day, demanding a very personal "sibling bond" between the two hosts.

Anderson Cooper, 45, is Ripa’s ideal co-host, but doesn’t want or need the job. He is certainly the worldly, modest-yet-commanding figure the show is seeking. Neil Patrick Harris, 39, has hosted regularly, but is currently too busy with other projects to take on Live! full-time. It’s also questionable if their egos could co-exist full-time, or if his current popularity is little more than a "fad."

Ripa’s always leering husband, Mark Consuelos, 41, would be a good candidate, but It would leave them little breathing room for their personal lives, especially since Kelly’s usual shtick already evolves around their life and kids. Their combined plastic personas may also come off as sterile and perhaps a bit queasy to the average American.

Actor, Jerry O’Connell, 38, wants the job and is a leading candidate, but Live! isn’t willing to take the plunge with him full-time. He’s a fine “celebrity host,” as someone mildly famous and marginally likeable. But as a full-time host, he lacks confidence and major star appeal, a possible ratings sink over the long run.

Musician, Gosh Groban, 31, may be a bit young to relate with Ripa full-time. Again, he’s a decent regular “guest” host, but no long-term solution. It would also be an unfortunate and misguided career move.

Entertainer, Nick Lachey, 38, would dumb down the show even more. and might not appeal to older women.

Reality show host, Chris Harrison, 41, isn’t at all interesting or exciting. Is he really a Disney robot?

Ex-football player, Michael Straham, 40, has shown some chemistry but may not be able pull off a daytime persona long-term. He also lacks a connection to middle America housewives, who might not initially warm up to his looming presence.

Ex talk show host, Howie Mandel, 56, is a serial failed host and a total weirdo, famously refusing to shake guests hands without rubber gloves. 

Commentator, Bryant Gumbel, 63, is way too serious for the role. Kelly's mind would explode.

Comedians, Martin Short, 62, and Dana Carvey, 57, are both past their primes and may overshadow Ripa.

Probably the worst hosts have included actor, Johan Hill, 28, who acted like a spoiled frat boy doped up on Niquil, along with a long list of meatheads such as sports commentator, Jesse Palmer, 33. A few more desperate picks, such as local news anchor, Pat Kiernan, 49, drop by from time-to-time to add a dose of bush-league ambiance.

As a ratings gimmick experiment, Live! with Kelly is now taking submissions to be the next host, or at least host-for-a-day. That means they aren’t yet sold on any previous “celebrity,” and are willing to take a chance on someone obscure that could keep up with Kelly. Make no mistake, however, it won’t be an easy pick.

Submissions require a whopping 60 seconds or less, and a single sentence describing your interests. Due June 29, 2012. http://dadt.com/live/contest/cohostsearch/12/

My, how first impressions do tell!

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d.anderson 2012

Jaleel White: Forever Scorned

In 1989, at the tender age of 12, Jaleel White was cast as the geeky but lovable, Steve Urkel, in the popular up-and-coming sit-com, Family Matters. The series was based on a relatively normal, African-American family living in Chicago, and the producers hoped to cash-in on the popularity of family comedies during the late 1980s, such as Family Ties (1982-1989), Who's the Boss? (1984-1992), Full House (1987-1995) and Roseanne (1988-1997).

The show also hoped to fill a void in the black viewing market, proceeding once-popular but recently canceled shows such as The Jeffersons (1975-1985) and Different Stokes (1978-1986). Ratings were stagnant during the show’s early goings, perhaps due to a relatively bland and predictable Winslow cast. Producers realized that African-Americanism alone would not be enough to sustain viewership, and would need to add “eccentric” supporting characters, appealing to what remained a largely Eurocentric sit-com viewing base.

Beginning late in Season 1, and more prominent in Season 2, the series began relying on unusual supporting characters such as Steve Urkel and the dimwitted but crowd-pleasing, Waldo Geraldo Faldo. Both were hit characters, catapulting the program, but it would be Steve Urkel who would become the true star. His popularity soon surpassed that of the show itself, launching “Urkelmania,” which lead to a variety of themed clothing lines, lunch boxes, pull-string dolls and even a breakfast cereal, “Urkel O’s.”



Within the program, Steve Urkel is a stereotypical “nerd,” with thick glasses, suspenders, brightly colored clothing, and a squeaky, nasal voice. Nerds had developed popularity during the 1980s, with movie hits such as Revenge of the Nerds (1984), the rise of Pee-Wee Herman, and even the popular Nerds candy, developed by Willy Wonka Candy Co. in 1983. But African-American males had been rarely cast this way, often portrayed as tough-guys, athletes or thugs. Even the tiny Arnold on Different Strokes, played by Gary Coleman, came off as more of a cool wisecracker than a misfit.

The character of Steve Urkel developed during Jaleel White’s awkward adolescence, and its overwhelming popularity quickly began to consume the young White. As it was also his first breakthrough role, he the person was thought of as Urkel, rather an actor playing the character. This was very unsettling for the young black male from Pasadena, and White began resenting the role. He began overcompensating personally, veering towards a newfound arrogance, which eventually convinced Family Matters’ producers to add the character of Stefan Urquelle in Season 5.

Stephan Urquelle was the opposite of Steve Urkel: cocky, confident, good looking and shallow. The kind of guy that would laugh at a fat girl and beat up a nerd. This role delighted White after years of playing the nerd, and he felt this role was much more reflective of his true self.

Jaleel White was eternally scarred by playing Steve Urkel. The same could be said for his nerd contemporary, Paul Reubens, whose role as Pee-Wee Herman perhaps lead to increasingly bizarre mood shifts and antisocial behavior, escalating in 1991 when Reubens was caught masturbating publicly in a pornographic theater. Reubens also felt emasculated by his “nerd” alter-ego, perhaps leading to that brazen, machismo circumstance that forced a premature end to Pee-Wee Herman (much to Reubens’ relief).



White has vowed to never reprise the role of Steve Urkel again, and this has lead to the virtual end of his career. Desperate for at least one recognizable personality, Dancing With the Stars, Season 14, has currently cast White as their “big star,” focusing on him as the cornerstone of media promotions.

Throughout the first two episodes, he has bask in the glow of Stephan Urquelle, forcing along a lifelong quest to prove that he is, in fact, cool, handsome and suave. In fact, practacally every time he appears, the host chimes, “Wow! No hint of Urkel here!,” almost as if probed by White’s agents to disenfranchise his once wildly popular persona.

The psychological turmoil White has endured escalated in Episode 2 when he broke down into tears, thanking the show for providing an outlet to display his coolness.

“This is my Mickey Mouse,” he wept, in a bizarre analogy perhaps only known to him.



Lets hope that Dancing With the Stars doesn't cause this poor, unstable young man any further long-term psychosis. Throughout the course of entertainment history, child actors are known for troubled lives, and particularly those as scarred as White, and also those suddenly thrust back into the spotlight.



--
d.anderson 2012

"The Bachelor" - 2012 season review

Over the past several weeks, I’ve only had one channel to watch on my tv and tend to keep it on in the background during the day. As fate would have it, I also tend to be home on Monday nights coinciding with showings of ABC's epic saga “The Bachelor,” which concluded this week.

“The Bachelor” is a program that stars one single, “hunky” guy who must choose a partner for immediate marriage out of 25 models and club membership career women in there mid-20s. In an increasingly single urban world, if would seem dating and even marriage has become about as casual as an online match survey. This lucky young lad, perhaps the “luckiest dude in the known world,” spends each episode wining and dining A-list gold diggers who are battling to remain on television as long as possible. These women spend only a few precious moments with “Ben,” while extrapolating endless praise for his dashing charm, looks and lovability.

“I’ve never met someone like Ben,” they all say. “He’s everything I ever wanted. This is something I want sooo much!”

By their own admissions, the ladies spend much more time getting to know themselves than they do the actual bachelor. He is a fleeting glimpse of an ideal that is apparently impossible to find in the modern world, enough so that they are willing to blindly devote the rest of their lives to him. The luckiest girls who go far in the game are even pressured into sharing a luxury suit with him, a proposal they all accept.

There are several aspects of this program that cause a bit of ill-ease on a sociological level. Perhaps the most glaring is the “prize” himself: Has the modern American male standard dipped to the point where an apparently insincere, boring and only moderately attractive robot-boy is praised and fought over? My word, if 25 of the country’s most beautiful women are convinced, what ball of lardy asshole puss is the average women expected to land?




If there is hope for our society, the more charismatic lads have shunned these zombie skirts for their overall lack of moral character, or maybe we have grown to the point where a soulless douche-bag is hard to find? One can only hope..

As far as Ben’s actual selections, the picks, like virtually all male-centric games of this variety, was far from dramatic. Jimmy Kimmel smirked repeatedly on his late-nite program over his ability to pick “The Bachelor” finalists, and indeed guessed the final four. The secret? He simply picked out the four most visually attractive women.



Indeed, Courtney and Lindzi, the final two, were well out of Ben’s league. His plastic stares and mundane, pseudo-charisma glaringly brought down the luster of both women. When faced with the final selection, Ben remarked, “This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.” In the end, he picked the professional model that bared a closer resemblance to himself, predictably dipping into a pail of primary narcissism after twelve weeks of wallowing in self love and encouraged egotism.

Courtney, proclaimed “queen,” rubbed fellow contestants the wrong way by verbally expressing her confidence and drive to win at any cost. She knew her looks could stun any man, and was well versed in the game of play acting and male manipulation. Indeed, she surpassed the “worn out whore” look of many early departures, and was a far better actor than the rest of the final half. Her piercing gaze was impeccable, and she smoothly handled a brigade of intensive grilling by the show’s chodeface host, the androgynously forgettable Chris Harrison, as well as the wrath of raspy-voiced rejects that were allowed back on the show to confront her incessantly.



Throughout the final weeks, Courtney was strategically vilified by the program, essentially hyped as an evil witch. Runner up, Lindzi, meanwhile was played off as little more than an extra, turning on a ridiculous amount of faked excitement to get noticed during the closing weeks. Ben could shit in a paper cup, and she would coo with delight and praise, maybe even smear it between her toes if he asked.

When turned down on the final day, Lindzi remarks, “I’m mad at myself for not giving you what you needed... I just wanted you soo badly.. but if things don’t work out, call me!” Ah, what a lady. Willing to give him everything in spite of her own pride and wellbeing.

Courtney had been acting for weeks like she thought she was a goner, and every moment forward seemed like a surprise. She was constantly shifty and plummeted by negative energy, but gazed her way through every round. “I have a pattern with men,” she says. “They all really like me and want me, but once they get me and I share myself with them they lose interest and don’t love me back.” Uh oh... it’s a good thing Ben is “different,” and you both know each other so well.. yep, good thing...

“He’s taught me so much about love, and how to feel special. He’s a good guy and I feel like I could trust him, and maybe love him forever.” Maybe even love him forever, what a lady.

Upon a hugely drawn out process, Ben begins his usual rejection speech, and Courtney knows its the end, as expected. “I promised myself that I wouldn’t take a knee again unless I knew it would last forever..” Courtney lowers her head and prepares the walk off stage, but to her surprise he proclaims, “you are that woman.”

Courtney is utterly shocked, furrows her brow dramatically, and her head falls back in a stunned chuckle. As Ben actually kneels and pulls out a ring, Courtney looks panicked, and for one moment we catch a glimpse of utter humanity in which she realizes he is serious; literally asking her, a mismatched virtual stranger, to spend the rest of her life with him, a boring, soulless douche-bag. Within an instant she composes herself, realizes it is just the end of a silly game, and pleads guilty to the sentence.

They stiltedly embrace, avoid prolonged eye contact and proclaim, one after another:

“I will love you forever.”




d.anderson
2012

Emeryville Area Cheap-Eats

Emeryville, CA, located directly across the Oakland side of the Bay Bridge, is a soft-spoken Bermuda triangle of sorts between Berkeley, Oakland and the San Francisco Bay. The average, heavy-walleted San Franciscan probably knows it best for the ominous Ikea store, as well as it’s Amtrak stop, marinas, chain hotels, movie theaters and a strip of ritzy shopping along modern Bay Street. With a population of around 10,000, and a wealth of industry and shopping, the city is a squeaky-clean contrast to the social and financial problems facing Oakland, its sprawling neighbor. It’s also much more professional than Berkeley, its Northern hippie neighbor, with few students venturing out this way.

Emeryville might not be the first place that comes to mind when thinking “on-the-cheap,” but surprisingly boosts a number of thrifty haunts, slightly off-the-beaten path, where you can get a great meal for under $10. Let’s take a look:



Trader Vics- 9 Anchor Drive, Emeryville
Located at the gate of the Emeryville Marina Park on the quiet peninsula, Vic’s has been an East Bay institution since 1934, and has served its present location since the early 1970s. “Home of the Original Mia Tia,” Vic’s was booming during the Tiki lounge craze of the 1950s and 60s, even expanding the small chain to a bizarre hodgepodge of international locations in the Middle East and Asia. You can find Trader Vics in Ukraine, Jordan, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Bangkok and Kazakhstan, while only seven remain in the United States.

Emeryville is the small chain’s headquarters, and while the outstanding decor appears the same as it might have in the 1970s, it seems to be a bit of a fallen star of sorts. Weekdays are fairly quiet, and often times bartenders or waitstaff will look confused if you order one of their “signature” drinks that isn’t the Mai-Tai. That said, it is one of my all-time favorite places, and a perfect date spot or evening meal when the folks are in town. Almost anyone, young and old, liberal or conservative, can appreciate the charm of this old gem.

On the regular menu, its Polynesian cuisine is good, but not exactly cheap. To get the best bang for your buck, come here during Happy Hour, 4-6pm, 9-10:30pm, between Tuesday-Friday. You’ll get a nice collection of appetizers, all around $5, and just about enough for a light meal. My favorites and the Duck Tacos, along with a very plentiful shrimp bowl. They also offer regular and tuna sliders, three small hamburgers that are sure to fill you up.

Drinks? Of course, you almost have to try something new with every trip to Vic’s. While you’ll order a Mai-Tai the first time here (the fruity “Original” or classier “1944”), make sure to keep these bartenders on their A-game and order some of the fun stuff. A well-made Bahia is pretty much unstoppable, smooth and delicious. Don’t be afraid to send it back if there are ice chunks, as I once noticed with a scowl while a new face was behind the bar! The Siboney is another choice item on the Happy Hour menu, an elegant sipping drink that is all quality over quantity. Miss the Happy Hour? Well then the best bang for your buck might be the Suffering Bastard, sure to knock you off your feet. Also try a smooth Hot Toddie or After Dinner drink to close out the night, my favorite is the White Cloud, for a relatively reasonable $6. www.tradervics.com

Roba’s Pizza Cafe- 2320 Powell Street, Emeryville
Open every day but Sunday from 5pm-9pm, Roba’s unassumingly prepares what is perhaps the best pizza in the Bay Area. Try their signature special, the Emery Pie, chicken and veggies so fresh and delicious that you’ll leave with an extra hop in your step. One of the added thrifty perks here is that you order at the counter and self-serve, meaning the tip is casual or at your discretion. That said, it blends the line between casual and elegant; you could come alone, with a buddy from work or even a hot date perhaps.

All pizzas are made in a variety of sizes, including and “Individual” for under $10. The Chicken Calzone is also a good bet for a single, plentiful item in the $8 range. But better ask for extra sauce, it’s too good to skimp on! Roba’s is always staffed by a friendly husband/wife team that needs and appreciates local business. Everything is made fresh and will take about 20 minutes to prepare, so you might consider calling ahead unless you’re bringing along a suitor to chat with. Good bottled beer is also available. www.robaspizza.com

Togo’s Sandwiches- 5151 Christie Ave, across from Trader Joe’s
Don’t believe all those pansy cry-babies on YELP, this place is good and cheap, definitely a welcome alternative to Subway. Anyone with some common sense will order the daily special, which is a thick 6 inch sandwich, soda and chips, all for $5 plus tax. The daily special changes by the day, so get it memorized, bub. Definitely my favorite is Sunday’s Turkey and Cranberry, although Tuesday’s Chicken Salad Sandwich is a good mid-week runner up. These sandwiches are surprisingly filling, so you can usually get away just fine ordering just a 6 inch. www.togos.com

Emery Bay Public Market- 5857 Christie Ave, near Amtrak station
While it may be tricky to find at first, the new Emeryville Public Market is an international cafeteria with food ranges including: Jamaican, Indian, Chinese, Middle Eastern, American, Italian and even Pho and Sushi. Keep in mind that whatever you order is likely to be very mediocre at best, but almost everything here is in the reasonable $7-8 range.

Looking for a good, cheap and casual date? Consider venturing out here on a Tuesday. Regal Cinemas, just across the parking lot, offers $5 movies all day as part of their “Regal Tuesday Special.” That means you can grab something casual to eat at Public Market, then head over to the cinema, all for under $15 per person. www.emerymarket.com

Denny’s Restaurant- 1776 Powell Street, Emeryville
Hey, are you too good for Denny’s?! Get off your high horse, cowboy! Within a somewhat ritzy Emeryville, it is a welcome addition to have a cheap place to sit and eat at all hours of the day and night. They have expanded their menu in recent years, and now include much healthier options, such as Turkey Bacon, that may surprise you. And yes, again, all for under $10. Beware that this location is closed after midnight on Fridays and Saturdays, perhaps to detour rowdy late-night revelers. If it’s not too late and you don’t mind paying extra for a friendly, locally-owned business, Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe, 4081 Hollis Ave, offers breakfast all day and a full bar. It’s also open ‘til 1am every night! www.iamrudy.com

Rubio’s Fresh Mex- 5614 Bay Street
If you find yourself walking down Bay Street after a visit to the Mac Store or some swanky clothing outlet, Rubio’s offers one of the few counter-style, low cost dining options. It’s a California-based chain specializing in fish tacos, and they make it easy to get full and hydrated for around $8-9. This is far more reasonable than anything in the area, unless you need a $1 ice cream cone from Burger King, 5701 Christie Ave. Rubio’s is open 10am-9pm daily.

Mehak Indian Cuisine- 2449 Sacramento Street, Berkeley
While this location is technically in Southwest Berkeley, it is by far the best deal on this list and deserves a huge shout-out. South Berkeley offers oodles of hidden Indian restaurants, and I just happen to wander in here one day looking for a buffet. While they no longer offer the Lunch Buffet, the lunch menu is one of the best deals I’ve seen anywhere. $3.99 will get you a generous main dish, plus rice and naan. My favorite is the Chicken Tiki Masala, which is enough food to fill the hungriest of hunger. Lunch Menu is available from 11:30am-2:30pm weekdays.

Red Sea Restaurant- 5200 Claremont, Oakland
This is another location just outside Emeryville in North Oakland, and just off Telegraph Avenue. While this section of Telegraph offers plenty of restaurants, most are either too overpriced for this reviewer, or not particularly good. Ethiopian Buffets are always a boom for the budget eater, and Red Sea offers standard East African offerings in a quiet setting for a pleasing, All-you-can eat $6.99. Buffet is open from 11am-2pm, and regular menu items lack the value of its buffet. If you are vegetarian, you might also try the comparable and also near-by, Ethiopia Restaurant, 2955 Telegraph Ave. Both are good with comparable buffet pricing and hours, while the later specializes in veggie items. www.ethiopiarestaurant.com

Emeryville Transportation:
Things are looking so good in Emeryville that the city's bus system, the Emery Go-Around, is a free shuttle taking riders from the MacAurther BART station in Oakland through all the major shopping areas. Beware that services close around 10:30pm, and that there are three different routes throughout the city. www.emerygoround.com

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d.anderson 2012